Today I realized that in a year and a half, a mere 547 days, I will turn thirty and be entering my fourth decade on this earth. Needless to say, it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. Only 547 days left to consider myself a twenty something. Those of you on the other side of this age hurdle may consider this thought trivial having lived it, but I do want to work through so many of the things I’ve held onto for so long. I want to waltz into this next phase of my life with, well… with maybe a little more clarity and a lot more focus. Now’s the time to lay the foundation of my legacy in life, which in itself is a daunting task, but it should not be left until the twilight years.
I know that I don’t have my life all figured out by then, but this is not the goal. I am working towards things now, but not with as much gumption and focus as I’d like. I’m constantly fighting against my inner slacker and more insecure/anxious self, which I know is slow going for all of us. These inner demons can haunt us for the rest of our life if we simply try to ignore them. However I HAVE made progress when I look back, I’ve just still got far to go. Robert Frost put it aptly when he says
“…But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”
-Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
I’m going to try to live a little differently everyday through various ways. Like trying new things, going to new places, meeting new people, seeing new art, etc. Goals that I pretty much established for myself in starting this blog. But not just that… I’d say I want to also reconnect with people, reevaluate old habits, break through those walls, and again with the et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. (I sincerely hope that you read that with Yule Brenner’s voice in your head) I won’t be updating this countdown that often here on the blog. There’s too much to write about otherwise. I’m a twitter fiend, so I’ll most likely be posting things there and on my tumblr when I allow myself that black hole once more. Expect bulk updates here if this is where you choose to keep track of my adventures.
I believe in small epiphanies that alter our course over long periods of time. After so many small alterations, you won’t be headed in the same direction that you once were. It’s going to be a slow progress, but everyday we grow and change. Our conscious is like electricity running through us; a constant light never powered twice by the same electrons. We are never that same light moment to moment, second to second, and maybe by realizing this is the best way forward. CGP Grey, a favored podcaster and YouTube creator, puts it aptly when he says this:
“Your decisions affect the landscape of the future-you: where you live, your family, your work. But when making decisions, make them as though for a stranger: if the change is big enough or the time long enough, that is exactly who you will be to your current self.
What small epiphany does today hold in store for you and what you want for your future self? I know that I’m asking that of myself a lot these days.